Who is Grendal King
*This was not written because of what I am going through currently, this has been in the writing stage for Months, before I came of Social Media, before shit happens (which it does) *
This was the follow on from Mirror Mirror and 30 Years if I am being Honest here, This is who and What I am, Why I am, maybe one day I will write my Truth, my Life, but what lead me to here now matters not, not much anyway, we all have scars, we all cut, and bleed, writing it at this point seems pointless, a waste of energy and time, I changed, became More, I became Grendal, I became the Man I am today, and Pure Class has it is I have not altered my dress sense since the late 80’s, You can not improve on Perfection ;D
The original spelling is Grendel, taken from the story of Bewouf, the “Hero” of old Saxon English legend. Grendal is the bad guy, the “Monster” who is terrorising a kingdom and whom Bewouf must kill. I just changed the last vowel for my liking. There are two references to Grendel, one the original story in myth, and the “Reply” to the legend by Marillion, the Rock band in the 1980’s, who wrote a 16 minute epic. It was written from the point of view of Grendel rather than the King or the Hero, and yes, while some was violence, it was justified. He was just another scapegoat, another Monster Under The Bed for the people to fear, but only after he was cast out of his rightful place and persecuted and violence begets violence. Grendal was the Bastard Son of Mother Nature and the King who hired Bewouf, hence Grendal is King, his rightful place was on the throne. The King cheated on the Queen by having sex with Mother Nature, has many had done before, pledging themselves to Her to gain power and privilege, and then betrayed. Bewouf has it turns out is no better, and he becomes King, after killing Grendel, and “Saving” the kingdom, he then has sex with Her, and thus the story carries on, nothing changes, nothing is different. The same corruption carries on once Power has been gained. It could be a satire with regards to leaders, even today, not just countries, but business, finance, etc, while these leaders, these “Captains of Industry” scream warning about the boggyman, the monster under the bed, while it is them we should be concerned about. Even most of the Press is in on it, both TV and paper.
I am the Monster Under The Bed, but what is the Monster we are taught to fear since childhood? Has anyone, any child ever been harmed by the Monster under the Bed, and I mean in real life, I know in films that the monster eats, kills or abducts the child, but that is TV, it has never happened in real life, ever. The Monster is Real, has real has you or I, it does exist, but its purpose, well, that is to scare children, to prepare them for the belief in the masses that the boggyman is EVIL. Many different people, but all the same we are taught to fear, we look different, but we are all treated the same, following the masses, what the leaders, papers, and tv tell us to fear, without even considering that maybe we are fearing the wrong monster. The Monster under the Bed will protect the child from the real monsters, and by default, will protect the family from the monsters, the real monsters, who wear nice clothes, fake smiles, ouseing charm, while they get into your head, heart, life and tear it to shreds, and still you go back and welcome another one into your life, time and again. You cast aside the Monster under the Bed (hence my picture) and drive it away to welcome the real Evil into your lives, and there is nothing to protect you, you have to face it alone, joining with others who have been victims and share stories and scars and advice. Some of you may call back the ugly, hairy, scruffy, unkempt Monster, but most will not, but it is way to late, the monsters, the real ones have destroyed your life.
I am the Monster Under the Bed, the Boggyman, the one who is cast aside, abused, taunted, laughed at, betrayed, turned into the reason for all of the crap in your life, hence Grendel. But who am I? Ugly, unkempt, scruffy, scary, threatening, rough, but we are many, and we all are different, but always treated with the same distaste and discord, disrespect, and untrusted, but for usually no reason, except for what you have been taught since you were children. Fear the Dark, Fear the Different. That is who I am, where I am. I stand within the Dark, shining the Light on the Real Monsters, fighting them to keep you safe, and yet, Always used and abused and in the end Forgotten, until it is way too late. We are many, We are Legion, We are the Lost, We are the Forgotten, We are the Untrusted, We are the Betrayed.
The Monster Under The Bed is You, it is Me, we who fight, we who heal, we who pick you up when you fall, we who are always there to guide you. We are the Loners and we are the Losers, but we are always there. Asking for Nothing, Giving Everything to help and Protect. Never Fear that which seems dark or different, fear that which shines like heavenly fire and speaks with honey, for they always turn out to be monsters, abusers, liars, thieves, and pure nasty, evil sick twisted betrayers.
But ok Dave, why Grendal? Other names you could have used? Marillion is the simple answer. I first heard Fish and Marillion on a C-90 cassette (who remembers those lol) and a friend whom I worked with gave it to me, full, 90 minutes of 80’s Rock/Metal, and one of the tracks was Assassin by Marillion from the Fugazi album. Brought the album, and like the stuff, really liked the stuff, and brought the other 3 studio albums they had done, then found the album “The B sides themselves” and Grendel was the 16 ½ minutes long first track. I really connected to Grendel, scapegoat, whipping boy, the outsider, and granted the story has very Christian overtones, and “Good” overcoming “Evil” and the usual, but in the story, I feel that Grendel is Justified, not in the slaughter (but consider it was based in Denmark and the Danes were well known has Raiders of these islands and mainland Europe), the slaughter was expected, but so was the outcome. He still connects with me, the idea of Grendel
“Mother Nature’s Bastard Child, shunned by Leaf and Stream” – shunned by life, to always be on the outskirts. Now granted, I could cut my hair, shave off my beard and wear a colour co-ordinated track suit like the rest of the sheeple and thugs around here, to fit in, to conform, to be like the rest, but that has Never been me, even has a 7 year old I was alone, no friends, dreaming of Different, thinking of Different, being who I am now (some changes, but I am the Man now because of who I was always was especially back then. Elves and Woodland Folk hiding amongst the Trees in the local woods. Trying to spot them. Never fit in, even when I tried too, never accepted, I was born Different, will die being different, happy with who I am, accepting of who I was, Forgiving myself when I was whipped by his belt at 7 for not being strong enough, forgiving myself for being weak and crying.
I Am Grendal, Monster Under Your Bed, Fear Me, for I am the Boggyman here to lead you astray. Or Trust me, Respect Me, accept me, forget me, until it is way too late and they already have you under their control with their Lies, Misinformation, and bastard conning, thieving ways.
But Grendal is all but gone now, only really on here where he still thrives, stalking the ways the pages, halls and alleyways hunting the Truth and shining the light on it.
But he is sick and tired, how sick, I guess time will tell, how tired, like even when I get 10 hours sleep (usually lucky if I get 4) I still wake up exhausted. I need to Heal Myself, can not do it here, way too much bad mojo, will wait until I move, maybe a few months, then really sort things out for myself. But within a Month, Gods willing, I will finally be Free from the Abuse and hatred which is my Life, She Will Be Gone for Good, and it will be a Cold Day in Hell before I will ever even think of getting back with Her. Or Anabel, and you know who you are.